10 Special Ways To Honor Deceased Family Members At Your Wedding

Weddings are one of those life moments that get you thinking about the future… but also the past. Many families aren’t able to gather as often as they’d like. So the weddings of their youngest generation are jam-packed with memory-making. The photos from these events are displayed in homes for years.

And if members of your family have passed, big life events can dredge up all sorts of memories and feelings.

If someone in your family has had an untimely passing, it can leave a hole in your heart. My heart breaks for every bride whose father isn’t able to walk them down the aisle. Or who isn’t able to go dress shopping with their mom.

In Japan, ancestors are honored as gods. The belief is that ancestors, very much alive in the afterlife, have the “utmost concern for the family’s well-being”. They provide protection and security. They’re considered not as a deceased person, but the living soul of the family. An overflowing fountain of love and support. You can dip your cup into that fountain anytime, and drink from the love they continue to have for you.

Even though I was first introduced to this idea from Disney’s Mulan (let’s be real… weren’t you?!), it’s stuck with me. There is so much beauty in it. The binding love family gives can leave a marked impact, even when they’ve passed on to another life.

If this strikes a chord with you, here are some ways you can do to honor your ancestors during your special day:

Save a seat for them

The first seat in the front row, of course. Make sure there is a reserved sign. Adorn the seat in flowers or totems from their life.

Display a slideshow

It’s simple, but it’s meaningful. There doesn’t have to be a dedicated “slideshow time” in your wedding day. Just have it projected in a designated space throughout the reception. People can observe and reflect whenever they’re ready.

Memory bank

Set up a table at the reception in their honor. It’ll be well decorated with your favorite photos of you together. Have some pretty cards and invite guests to write down their favorite memories of your loved one. You can even commission an artist to make a custom illustration for the cards. The cards will go into a sealed box or envelope. You can take out the cards and reflect on them you’re ready. Or whenever you need a pick-me-up to feel the weight of their love alive again.

Add an heirloom to your outfit

Whenever I suggest this, brides have something come to mind almost immediately.  It’s typically a treasured piece of jewelry, but it doesn’t have to be. We can transform a tie clip into a hairpiece. We can use a cross-stitch pillow to display your rings. It can even be as subtle as using a dash of their perfume or cologne. The options are endless.

Make a note in your program

Your ceremony program is a very classy way to dedicate the service. Make a note, say a few words, or include a photo or illustration. You can also instruct your officiant to include a dedication in their speech. Or have a moment of silent reflection in honor of your ancestor.

Play a song

What was your loved one’s favorite song? Is there something you’d sing together? Maybe on a sunny day, in the car, with the windows down? Music can be a sensory experience. A few beats into a line of music, and the heart soars. You are immediately encompassed by memories. And all the love included in those memories.

Share a sentimental recipe

Your grandmother’s Christmas cookies? Your mother’s pot roast? Caterers are always receptive to recipe ideas. Most will even let you do a tasting beforehand to make sure that it’s as nostalgia-triggering as you need.

So many memories are made over shared meals. If it doesn’t feel right to include the recipe into your reception menu, you can opt to share a recipe card instead. One of the most special gifts I’ve ever received was a framed recipe card, written in my grandmother’s actual handwriting.

Hand-written recipe cards are one of those left-behind things that a lot of people have left behind when a loved one passes…. They’re one of those things that seem too special to throw away. But in the world of Hellofresh and Allrecipes, they typically just end up collecting dust. Using them as reception favors is an eco-friendly way to make sure they get the love they deserve. Of course, if you can’t bear to part with them, photocopies are an option here too!

It may not seem right to give these recipes as favors to all your guests. Instead, you could gift them to just the ladies of your family (aunts, sisters, cousins, nieces, etc). A bridal brunch or bridal shower is a good time for this.

Party favors in their honor

Other party favors can be given in their honor. A photo. A piece of art. A card with their favorite quote or words of encouragement. 

A special toast

Designate someone in your wedding party to give a toast to your honor…. and in their honor.

Display their wedding attire.

Still have a garment bag in your attic from your parent’s wedding day? I sure do! This is a great excuse to put them to use. These clothes weren’t made to be seen just once, after all. You can rent mannequins and dress them up like a museum exhibit. Or you can simply drape the clothing on their reserved chair. This is especially elegant if you have a family member who has served their country. The imagery of a decorated uniform displayed on an empty chair is powerful.

Need some more ideas? 

Lucky for you, I’m full of them! Shoot me an email and we’ll brainstorm some ways to honor your family and your story.