What to Do When Guests Don’t RSVP (With Templates!)
Don’t fret. It happens to everyone. Every bride I’ve ever worked with has set a required RSVP date on their wedding invitations... only to have a fraction of the guest list actually reply. The wedding planner in me doesn't understand it.
Invitations make it so easy to RSVP these days.
It’s as simple as scanning a QR code and tapping “yes”.
Typically the “RSVP by” exists because that’s the deadline to let vendors know your headcount. The big difference in expense is huge. Thousands of dollars are saved if only 75 out of 200 invitees attend.
But the everyday human part of me with a busy schedule and lots of junk mail understands.
It’s easy to receive an invitation, get excited, and then set it down on the counter. It'll get accidentally buried in everyday items until WHEWPS 3 months have passed.
It’s never intentional.
But working in the industry, I’ve come to accept that it’s just a fact. Not everyone will RSVP.
So, I've established a workflow to deal with this tactfully and efficiently.
Here's what to do:
Practice Deep Breathing Exercises
It’s so important to approach everything in your wedding planning with a healthy dose of ZEN. The stress slowly building in your central nervous system will only continue to grow. Eventually, all of that energy will need to be released. You can either let it build and explode at an inconvenient time (like during a meeting or at the grocery store). OR you can do this try exercise to manage it as it comes.
I love doing yoga Ujjayi breath.
Basically, take in your breath slowly through your nose. Try and breathe in as slowly as possible. Make this deep inhale last 8, 9, or 10 seconds.
Exhale slowly and audibly. Breathe out like you’re fogging up a window.
Do you feel that sense of calm spreading throughout your limbs?
Once you do… move to item number two. You’ve got work to do.
Email/Text
Hopefully, when you created your guest list you organized a list of everyone’s addresses/ phone numbers/ and emails (if not- reach out! I’ll help you get organized!). Start by going down the list of everyone you haven’t heard from yet.
Do this at least a week before your RSVP deadline. This way you're not working last-minute.
Whether you use text or email totally depends on what you’re comfortable with. Or what your people are most likely to respond to. You know these people, after all. How do they prefer to communicate? Make your decision accordingly.
I know that tensions are high right now and your wedding is #1 on your mind… all throughout the day… every day. But remember it’s not that way for everyone. Your friends and family are going through their everyday, busy lives. It’s not on their radar, necessarily, and that’s understandable.
All this to say… be nice :)
If you’re struggling to come up with the words to use, feel free to copy/paste these templates.
Option 1:
Hey!
I’m doing some final wedding prep this week (I can’t believe the day is almost here!). I was going through the guest list and realized you hadn’t RSVP’d yet. Will I get to see you and your lovely family/partner/ on WEDDING DATE? No worries if you can’t make it. I’d love to see you, of course, but I know life is crazy. But it’s getting to the point where I need to give caterers a final headcount and wanted to check in.
Option 2:
Hey!
Can you believe I’m getting married in 3 weeks?! I haven’t seen your RSVP—will you be able to make it? It’s ok if not (I hope to see you soon either way!). But I am needing to give the caterers a head count soon so I wanted to touch base.
Here’s the info again (in case the invite got lost):
Wedding Date
Time
Venue
Address
Crossing my fingers you can make it!
I prefer to ask them directly if they'll be attending coming. Then just fill out the RSVP for them. Rather than including the link to your wedding website in your message and hoping they'll follow through. You’re more likely to get a clear, defined answer this way. It’s hard to count on people to complete a task.
Call
Of course, it’s also always an option to call your non-RSVP’d guests. This is option is a little more time-consuming, of course. But if you’re actually able to get your guests to pick up the phone, you’ll have your answer immediately. There’s no “missing the text” or “forgetting to reply to the email”
Pick a night. Don’t call during dinner time, of course. But after dinner, fix yourself a glass of wine and dial the phone.
Follow Up
Have you gone through your entire non-RSVPd guest list and there are still people who haven’t responded? Send a follow-up. It’s entirely possible that your message arrived at a totally inconvenient time. Then they forgot to get back to you once their schedule cleared. It happens every day. I’m guilty of it, myself! They will likely appreciate a follow-up. Definitely always follow up. But just once. Anything more is overkill and not worth your time.
Wait 3-4 days to send your follow-up message. This will still leave a few days before you actually have to turn in your final numbers.
Keep your follow-up short and sweet. Here are some templates to use:
Option 1:
Hey!
Just checking on your RSVP. Here are the details:
Wedding Date
Time
Venue Address
Will I see you there?
Option 2:
Hey!
I’m giving the caterers a final headcount today and am just checking in. Will you be able to make it to the wedding?
Accept It And Move Forward
If you still don’t hear from these people… it’s time to be decisive and stand your ground. If the RSVP deadline has passed… they’re not coming.
If you’d like, you can always pad your vendor’s final headcount by 5-10 people in case you get any last-minute RSVPs. But you definitely don’t have to. If anyone RSVPs 2 days before your wedding… you’re totally within your rights to turn them away.
It’s likely there will be some disappointments in here. These are the moments when you need to surround yourself with your family and friends… ones who you know will be by your side for ANYTHING. Always remember that the day is going to shake out exactly how it needs to. It will be a beautiful, special day no matter what.
